In the end, it will not be what we talked about, but what we did, how we acted, where we put our time and energy, because by everything we do, we model and mentor what we value.  Our lives speak loudly.                                                          

    –Written by Dr. Geraldine Schwartz, Living Legacy Project

Dr. Schwartz’s vision has the power to be transformational to children and adults alike.  We have the ability to be everyday heroes with our minute by minute conscious choices in words, actions, feelings and thoughts.  Heroism is the courage to not choose actions of peers who are demonstrating exclusion, abuse, teasing, bullying, ridiculing, stereotyping or prejudice.  Heroism is also a simple inclusive smile or an appreciative thank you. 

Share with children that even if they have taken the low road from time to time, they still have the ability to try again with better choices.   Many famous heroes have gone astray at times, and yet through increased self-awareness, they have created an inner and outer world of amazing inspiration to others.  As Maya Angelou says, “when you know better, you do better.”  

Please read Katy Abel’s article, “From Spiderman to Mom:  How Kids Choose Heroes”

The article offers in-depth information on helping children to discover the hero within.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                 Cheryl Melody www.cherylmelody.com  chermelody@aol.com

                                         A Kinesthetic “Peace Begins with You and Me^TM” Technique

 As perfectly imperfect human beings, we need to inspire ourselves and our children to make moment to moment choices in “being peace.”   Creating a personal brain-body cue is like giving ourselves a self-pat on the back for reinforcement, but it is more subtle.  This approach also develops intrapersonal intelligence (http://www.howardgardner.com/books/books.html ) and emphasizes the joy of “being the changes we want in the world.”  It brings each of us to a higher state of consciousness.    

True Example:  I was in a line at the bank, and spotted a penny on the floor next to a woman’s foot. I bent down to pick up the penny, and offered it to her with a smile.  I know that this is a small action and seemingly a minor one, but the surprise and smile on that person’s face was delightful!  As I stepped back in line, I contemplated that quick magical moment.  I had awareness that my small choice of action created a positive vibration. 

My 1 Second Brain-Body Cue:  I wanted to reinforce this good feeling.  I placed my hand on my heart for 1 second as a way of saying…”What I did and said made this other person feel good. I want to do this more.  It feels good.  This is how I can make a difference in the world.  Just small things.  Keep it going, and teach it to children too. ”

Invent your kinesthetic brain-body cues, and teach this technique to children:  The cues created are not noticed by anyone but you, and are 1 second in duration.  Here are some examples of brain-body cues:  Gently touch heart area for one second; Place thumb and 3^rd finger together in an arc; Wiggle toes in shoes; Tap middle of forehead one time.  Any cue invented is a self-reinforcement tool and is your “secret” signal for continuing to walk on the peace begins with you and me path, while inspiring children to do the same.   This approach can build self-awareness and encourage each of us to be the highest version of ourselves as much as possible.  Each time we say or do something we recognize to be kind, loving and “filling someone’s bucket,” (Carol McCloud www.bucketfillers101.com),we have contributed to creating a kinder and more loving world.   

Cheryl Melody www.cherylmelody.com

I began performing the heart of the “Peace Begins with You and Me” concerts when I was asked to perform at the University of Oklahoma after the bombing.  Earlier that day, I visited the area that had been bombed and saw hundreds of teddy bears lined up on fences and words of “We’ll remember you forever.”  It was disturbing beyond all words.   As I stepped on the stage that same day, I was filled with emotions of anger, overwhelm, sadness, self-doubt and confusion:  “What do I have to offer that can make a difference?”  “Why am I here, and who am I to be doing this? I am not a famous name.” 

As I stood on the stage, a butterfly flew on my microphone and then on my shoulder.  I looked at that butterfly as a message that I was meant to be there as ME, a perfectly imperfect human being-a person who has been blessed to have meaningful lyrics and music flow through me and into the hearts of all ages.    That butterfly gave me the courage to move more fully forward in confidence that day, with the intention of inspiring people into a state of hope, love, healing and unity. 

As I began to sing my “ONE PLANET, TOGETHER WE CAN LIVE” song, an idea spontaneously came to me.  I asked everyone to come down from the bleachers and connect with one another while singing the chorus, and miraculously they did!  I couldn’t believe it.  All they needed was a facilitator-leader who gave them the motivation.  Everyone came down-all religions, learning abilities, shades of colors, young and old alike, singing ONE PLANET while hugging,  shaking each other’s hands, crying, smiling, and unifying  with each other in grief, healing and hope.

It was in that moment that I had a glimmer of why I was here on earth, and the common thread of everything I do: My life’s purpose is to provide hope and empowerment tools for raising consciousness in as many people as possible.  My goal is to create an inner and outer environment of respect, forgiveness, compassion, tolerance, caring, consideration, cooperation, manners, and most of all LOVE.  Since Oklahoma City, I have continued to hone this particular concert.  It is a lifetime process as I rediscover new ways to emphasize the importance of being an everyday hero, a life of respectful living and a bully-free, safe existence for everyone on our beautiful planet.

Cheryl Melody www.cherylmelody.com

I can still remember what it felt like to be bullied, and I also remember coming home and teasing my sister so that I could regain the power that I had lost at school.  I don’t know the exact reasons why I was bullied.   I was from a poor family of a minority religion, with grandparents that didn’t speak English. Maybe the roots of bullying stemmed from all of these reasons, maybe it was none of them.  As a young girl, I was shy, quiet, a “nice girl” and very protective of my parents.  I didn’t want them to feel badly or disappoint them in any way.   I tried to do what I was told and to be a good student.  I was a silent sufferer.  I told no adult. Kids who saw and heard all the name calling and physical violence, the by-standers, were also silent.   I can still hear the name calling and labeling.  I dealt with exclusion, intolerance, stereotyping, crude name calling, domination, victimization and a lack of self-belief. 

     The irony is that bullying issues have become part of my life’s work. Within my career as a performing artist, writer, composer and educator, I create songs, plays and stories that nurture self-esteem and respectful living, encourage children to be a hero in their own lives, and create an awareness of the importance of inclusion, kindness and caring.   In my Peace Begins with You and Me-We’re Bully-Free teaching concerts, I also encourage children to tell a trusted adult if a problem is too big to handle. 

     However, if there is one primary message to share with you today, it is this:

WE have to be there in the moment, and to be still long enough to notice our child’s nonverbal and verbal signals.   No matter how busy and distracted we are, we need to offer children the focus, time and open listening.  We need to be ready to be entrusted to hear and to guide.

     And remember to call upon the creative arts!  The arts provide teaching tools.  Use them.   Integrate MEANINGFUL songs, stories, plays, art and dance expression, and help children find the words, the actions and the voice that encourages self-respect, self-esteem, empowerment and love for humanity.   

Cheryl Melody www.cherylmelody.com

Valentine’s Day and every day is our time for teaching children that it is important to be their own best friend, and to know on the deepest of levels that there is no standard “Barbie and Ken” way to look, to talk or to be.   The better we feel about ourselves in terms of self-acceptance, self-belief and self-love, the less we will bully others, no matter what our age.  In my children’s song, The No Bully Rap Song, one of the lines says: “The nicer you are to yourself, the less you’ll pick on somebody else.”  It’s true.  When we are dumping on ourselves in any way, the whole world looks crooked, and it is the same for children who are feeling low.  Kids with low self-images want to strike out, make themselves feel more powerful by bullying, teasing, gossiping and hurting someone emotionally and/or physically.  

 Valentine’s Day is also about reflecting back to children how precious they are for just being here in the world, being their unique person.  Maya Angelou asks:  “Do your eyes light up when your child enters the room?”  Do you think the children (and adults) around you feel that reflection coming towards them?  I will take that ideal a step further and encourage all of us to light up for anyone we value, and to give someone we don’t know a chance to light up our lives as well.  Being each other’s positive reflection goes a long way to mirror the beauty and uniqueness of each person.  Full attention listening and looking helps to build a positive self-esteem and image in others.  

 Choose to work on role modeling a healthy self-reflection, and choose to light up when someone else enters your life.  Encourage yourself and someone else to live the words of my “I’m an Amazing Person Today!” song:  ”Be your own best friend in the friendship song, shake your own hand and sing these words strong, look in your mirror, smile and say: “I’m an amazing person today!”

I heard this little poem in a You Tube video by Sharon Penchina, C.Ht. and Dr. Stuart Hoffman,  www.iamalovableme.com, and it says it all:

There’s no denying,
It’s plain to see,
I have to admit,
I AM a Lovable ME!

 Once you meet me,
I am sure you will find,
I am unique,
I am special,
I am one-of-a-kind!

Music can help get a child back on track before it is too late. It can revive self-esteem, self-belief, feelings of inclusion and worthiness.    I should know.  I was one of those children that was lost, and got back on track because of threshold moments in music.

 I wasn’t the best student in some subjects, and often I was not taught according to my particular learning styles.  Inwardly, I felt in a daze, numb, inadequate, and pretending to know more than I did.  But when the fourth grade music teacher came into my class to sing with us, something magical stirred, and I felt alive and part of something amazing. 

 In High School, I discovered the cello.  I was feeling directionless at the time.  I overheard the rumor that the orchestral conductor needed a cellist.  I shyly went up to him and volunteered to learn.  I did not even know what a cello sounded like or looked like, but I intuitively felt pushed towards this thing called “cello.”  A week later the music department provided me an instrument and a teacher, and in the first lesson I discovered an innate gift for playing this beautiful instrument!  My entire life changed for the better at 15 years old, at a time when it was on very shaky ground.  The cello took me on a wonderful path and was my “door opener.”  After music school, I discovered more creative gifts within me that have included a life time of singing, teaching, performing, recording, composing and writing.   

Music was my life saver, and gave me a sense of self-esteem, purpose, emotional and intellectual IQ, focus, concentration, inclusion, imagination, writing skills, social skills, dreams, passion, purpose, life!

 There are many children out there in similar situations…simply not thriving.  Children need people that believe in them, and tools that can unlock hidden potentials. 

 When I hear that music is being taken out of schools as an option to save money, it disturbs me enough to share my personal story with you in this issue. Please take a look at some of these videos to FEEL the power of music on children, and join me in doing everything you can to support music and the arts in schools, in libraries, and throughout the everyday pulse of living the symphony of life.      

                                                                      
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
  Cheryl Melody
chermelody@aol.com

Cheryl Melody

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is a saying that is simply not true. Name calling, stereotyping, prejudice, put downs…it all hurts. Unkind words create wounds that may not be seen visually, but the words contain negative vibrations resonating within us, deep and lasting. I still remember specific times I was bullied in my childhood, and I’m supposedly all grown-up! I also remember being a bully towards my sister, teasing her in order to regain power that I didn’t have in school with my peers. In terms of by-stander silence, I’ve experienced times I’ve come to someone’s defense, and other times I’ve been a by-stander, too hesitant to get involved. I often think about the issues of bullying, being bullied and by-stander silence in relationship to my life and the lives of all children.

While I know that what I am about to say will evoke all kinds of guilt as parents, (and we don’t need MORE guilt!!), I have to remind us of the fact that we are the role models, the mirror of words and actions that children notice and imitate. Our children even have radar about our unspoken thoughts! We are the role models in terms of manners, respect, caring, consideration, tone of voice, nonverbal communication, gestures, cooperation, inclusion, empathy, listening skills, compassion and our choices in words, actions, thoughts and feelings. It’s a heavy load, but it’s all wonderful because we are all in this together, constantly learning and growing and becoming the highest version of ourselves!

As parents, role modeling begins as soon as we give birth to that beautiful baby, and we need to maintain consciousness about our communication choices. In addition, sometimes we take for granted that children just “know” what words are negative and what words are positive. We need to teach an inner sense of this aspect by building a foundation of awareness and knowledge about the differences in the words themselves. A meaningful activity is to ask children to come up with positive and negative words-brainstorm, make lists, discuss and share ideas and feelings. What words made you feel good inside? What words hurt your feelings? What did you feel? Working with children on having a vocabulary of feeling words and being able to label their feelings is an important extension to teaching these life lessons as well. Teach a child that sometimes they will feel the hurt not only emotionally but also within the body–as if they were “kicked in the solar plexus, “felt 10 feet tall” or “their heart broke into pieces.” The hurt of words can be felt emotionally and physically.

Children can be made aware of specific words and phrases that feel good, hurt, uplift, support, negate, torment, and are “put ups or put downs.” Teaching children to FEEL the emotional power of their words is crucial to character-building parenting. If we teach children how to differentiate between what words feel good and what words can hurt themselves or another, we will have helped to create bully-free environments within an empathic, intelligent generation.

I’d love to hear your ideas and reactions, because each one of us can help build a more loving society, and it all begins by knowing that peace begins with you and me, one person at a time.

–Cheryl Melody
www.cherylmelody.com

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  Leo Buscaglia

I recall how inspired Dr. Buscaglia made me feel when I watched his PBS specials on “LOVE” many years ago.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Buscaglia).  He created a positive vibration of inspirational writings and passionate ideas, and what he shared with adults can also be shared teaching moments with children.  Even a young child can realize from “inside-out” that just a smile of inclusion and a simple thank you can make a world of difference in someone’s life.  It’s important, however, to provide a foundation of understanding about what specific kinds of actions can make a difference.  Sometimes we skip over the basics and just “expect” kids to know what to do. Children first need to observe, brainstorm and know specifically what kinds of things they can do (www.actsofkindness.org).   When we ourselves role model, point out and encourage kindness, active listening, caring, politeness, inclusion, respect, cooperation, patience and gratefulness…then children reflect what they observe, feel and hear.   With this kind of heightened consciousness, there may be a lessening of bullying, rudeness, and verbal and physical violence.   The popular movie, “Pay It Forward,” also speaks to the power of positive role modeling, and the simple belief that each small action that we provide for each other helps to create a “Peace Begins with You and Me” environment (http://cherylmelody.com/concertsforchildren/peacebeginswithyouandme/).  

It is important to help children hear, see, feel and know the difference between positive power words and negative power words by having children first build a foundation of awareness and knowledge about the differences in the FEELING SENSE of the words themselves. A meaningful activity is to ask children to come up with positive and negative words-brainstorm, make lists, discuss, share ideas and feelings.  What words make us feel good? What words hurt?    Often  a child will feel the hurt not only emotionally but also within the body–as if they were “kicked in the solar plexis, “felt 10 feet tall” or “their heart broke into pieces.”  The hurt of words can be felt emotionally and physically.  Children can be made aware of specific words and phrases that feel good, hurt, uplift, support, negate, torment, and are “put ups or put downs.” 

To further reinforce this point, please take a look at the www.nonamecallingweek.org, and in particular the PUT UPS versus PUT DOWN section in the following PDF: www.nonamecallingweek.org/binary-data/NoNameCalling_ATTACHMENTS/file/86-1.pdf.                                                                                                                                                   

Teaching children to FEEL the emotional power of their words is crucial to a character-building education.  One of my songs, “You Can Change You” (from the CD, “Celebrate!”) says: “Think before you talk now…don’t say it if it hurts someone else.”   If we teach children how to differentiate between what words feel good and what words hurt themselves or another, we will have helped to create bully-free environments within an empathic, intelligent generation.

Teaching children to get into someone’s shoes, feelings and situations is key to igniting the quality of empathy.  The more we can use teaching moments to point out ways to empathize with others, the less bullying and by-stander silence there will be in our homes, schools and neighborhoods.  Helping a child become more sensitive is a wonderful gift to that child and to human kind. “How would you feel if someone said that to you…” is a wonderful phrase that can ignite empathy.  I believe that some people are more naturally gifted with this quality than others, but everyone’s awareness can be raised. Role playing, dramatic play, storytelling, social opportunities…all lend themselves to creating a more empathic human being.  What a treasure!   My multi-dimensional teaching concerts, “Peace Begins with You and Me,” “One World-Different and Same,” and “Peace Begins with You and Me-We’re Bully Free” all integrate approaches that reinforce the importance of personal and social sensitivity, and I would love to come to your area to offer one of my educational and interactive teaching programs.